I'm not an old woman. I'm not a young woman.

I'm not an old woman. I'm not a young woman. I have been given the luxury of time. Time to listen to my thoughts, listen to the silence, listen to the world around me. To stop rushing about. Stop trying to get somewhere or become something. Time to try to uncover who I really am.

I've been given the luxury of being invisible. No longer a part of the competition for a place in the hierarchy. Because I have let it go, and because I am past that age.

Through my life, my experiences, my reading I've learned a lot of things. The healing power of nature and of truly hearing and being heard by another soul. I've learned the emptiness of owning more things. The precious fullness of sharing a song.

Now I find myself in a place of waiting. Of sitting, listening, in the center of my purposelessness.

When I listen and let down my barriers I drown in the pain and the beauty of life.

I am solitary by nature. But my dreams are filled with people. I treasure the solitude and I fear it. But in my dreams I fly fearlessly. Lifted high in the air by letting go of all doubt. Showing others how to fly. How to let go.

Did I miss my calling? Was I looking the other way? Did my will impose itself on my life and blind me? Am I in the midst of my calling right now and not aware of it?

I feel the vast loneliness and isolation in the world. The knowledge of all the horrors my ancestors perpetrated on others like a huge dead weight on my back. The yearning for understanding, healing, connection. The cries of the earth as she is raped and tortured for our selfish short sighted comfort.

I feel powerless and alone. Seeking the light. Somehow I know I have to stay here. Not pushing it away. I have to stay in the silence. Watching and listening. Waiting.

Letting go. Until I can fly here on this side of life.